she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
