I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
