I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
