the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
