Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
