you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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