dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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