Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
