I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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