I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
