do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
