dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
