You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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