he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
