just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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