So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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