genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
