No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
