Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Randomize
