Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
