i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
