I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize