Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Sponge bath it is.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize