Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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