I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
