Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
