wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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