Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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