the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
a search helicopter?!
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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