would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Randomize
