Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
