Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
