brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
