Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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