I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
