I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Sext me about skeletons
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
