i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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