He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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