i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize