I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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