I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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