I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
