everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
