your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
BRING THE BAGELS
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
