basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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