Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Randomize
