Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
