lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
