david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
