covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
