Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
