I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
