Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
