I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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