Are we in a gay sports bar?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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