i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
