: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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