True but thats because hes a fetus.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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