the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
