It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
