True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
MIDGETS
????
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
