Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I want her autograph on my taint
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
