I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm just crazy horny about you
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
