Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
